A: You have stated your options.  What are his?  Is this particular job offer his only possibility for work?  Is he aware of your feelings?  Talk it over with him.  Examine all the options.

If your only option is to accept the job and move with him every two years, know these things:

In this life we have only two homes.  One is the body in which we are housed, and the other is the planet Earth.  All other domiciles are temporary and transitory, whether we inhabit them for a short period or for a long time.

And know that the future does not have to follow the patterns of the past.  You were moved around a lot as a child, during a time when you did not have the power of choice in the matter.  This time it can be different.  Choosing this path, you could enter it with a spirit of curiosity, adventure, and discovery.

I wish you the best.

A:  This is a very good question, F.S.

In Hebrews 11:1, the Bible defines faith:  "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  According to this definition, faith is substance, and it is evidence.  There is nothing blind or unknown about substance or evidence.  On the contrary, substance and evidence are proof.  Yet, the substance and evidence apply to things that are hoped for, and things that are not seen.

Let's use love as an example.  I can't see it; I can hope for it; and I know it exists because of the bonds I feel with my loved ones, and they with me.  The invisible bonds and the way they manifest from day to day are the substance and the evidence.

Perhaps faith is like hope.  I can't see it; I can be hopeful; and I know hope exists because it gives me courage to get up in the morning.  Perhaps that is the substance and the evidence of hope - I carry on despite all the negative messages that reach me during the day.

Faith may be over-rated.  I Corinthians 13:13 tells us that faith, hope and love are constant, and that the greatest of these is love.  Faith may be over-rated because it is easier to walk blindly, with hope that what we are being told is correct (such as heaven after death for the "believer"), than to grow mature in love.

Jesus taught that it is love that defines us:  "By this shall all know that you are my disciples, if you have love one to another."  (John 13:35.)  The examples you cite - child abuse and the Inquisition - are not love.

"Faith" is easier to preach and foster than love, because much of the "evidence" and "substance" is reserved for the "faith-ful," to be manifested only after death.

Love is ongoing, a daily walk, in this life, challenging above all, and requiring our all, unlike faith.

We are made in the image of God, and we are told that God is love.  To grow into the image of God - to become godly - is to grow, not in faith, but in love.  Since as human beings we do not see the future, we all are required to have "faith" that our next breath, our next heartbeat, will come, and that the future is worth living for today.  This is a requirement for believer and non-believer alike.  The walk in love is a different matter entirely, and will not result in such acts as child abuse and the Inquisition.

A: The word "Trinity" is not in the Bible (King James version), yet it is one of the basic tenets of most Christian belief systems.  It is said to have been added to the Bible centuries after the time of Christ.

Pagan belief systems had their "trinities" before the time of Christ.  It appears that these often consisted of mother, father, and offspring (the Egyptian goddess Isis, her consort Osiris, and their offspring Horus, for example). I have known Christians, both men and women, who have quietly held the belief that the Holy Spirit is feminine, thus admitting femininity to the divine.

We in western civilization have inherited a patriarchal definition of God, meaning that God is believed to be exclusively male.  It is true that your father did not invent this belief.  Whether or not "that's just the way it is" is another matter.  If you have access to the internet, you might research the history of the origin of the doctrine of the trinity.

p. s. Not all men (or women) believe that "woman" means "woe to man."  Some believe that the word is actually "womb-man," meaning "a man with a womb."

A:  If you have gotten through that short text and have come to ask the question, you are already well on the way to your own answers.  Further than this, and in this brief format, I can only point you to priorities.

First, keep in the learning mode, even while you set healthy boundaries and provide consistent structure for your teenagers.  Educate yourself.  Read the time-tested classics, which will provide a bridge between your own upbringing and the values you now espouse.  Learn about yourself, which only you can do, and do not hesitate to enlist the help of a competent professional as you explore inward.

Then, learn about your children, by listening to them and learning about the challenges they face and what is on their minds.  Even as you do this, remember that the best thing any parent can do for his/her child is to tend to their own - the parent's own - growth.  This sets an example of healthy development for the child, and clears the child's path of obstacles that are unwittingly cast by parents who do not tend their own growth.

I wish you the best as you walk the path of parenthood.

A:  Good questions, E.R.  First, have I quit church entirely...  Yes.  It was never a decision on my part to "quit church;" rather, it is an ongoing process which entails a primary relationship, putting "church" secondary.  The primary relationship is the internal spiritual reality which is 24-7 for me, and as time goes on, I find that I have never resumed the "secondary" activity of church attendance.

How did I do it?  By developing the internal relationship, which precludes the need for an external form of "worship."  We each must do this for ourselves; the steps will be made clear, one by one, as we listen to the Spirit - the "Comforter" - within us.

By the way, I too "wandered from church to church" after leaving the fundamentalist camp, until the inner reassurance became strong and constant and I understood experientially that, truly, my body is a temple within which Spirit dwells.

A: Feelings are neither right nor wrong; they just are what they are.  Like small children or pet animals, they need to be accepted just as they are.  So I would suggest that you do not deny the feelings that you have.  Anne Wilson Schaef has written about the "obsession/repression" complex.  That which we suppress, or that which we try to repress in others, leads to obsession. 

Accept your feelings as signs that you are mentally and emotionally healthy.  Appreciation of masculine and feminine beauty and appeal is a sign of good health.  Accepted, feelings will change.  Denied, they will persist.

Then, check those feelings before they turn into behavior.  This requires good boundaries within your own psyche.

Feelings are to be accepted; behavior, including words and intentions, determines your destiny and your future.  You can continue to enjoy your marriage, and enjoy your feelings of pleasure with others, provided that you do not act in such a way that your bond with your husband is threatened.

A:  First, remove the judgment from yourself.  You simply have different options, not a choice between "right" and "wrong."  Joseph Campbell, the great mythologist, once said something like this, "Whatever is good for someone will always seem to be evil for someone else."  Remember that whichever choice you make will not be a wrong choice, just different from the other options you have.

Second, remember that when you were born you were given only one person to be with 24-7, until you die.  That person is yourself.  Only you can be responsible for your well-being and choices, and your choices must be based on your own path and well-being.  Therefore, if it is the best choice for you, it will ultimately be best for all others concerned.  If it is not best for you, it will not be best for anyone else.  In your particular case, it is possible that the person you will replace needs to be released from this position in order to move on to something better for him or her.

Third, the best guidance comes from within:  "Come from the heart; stay in the present; keep it simple."

I wish you the best.

A: Creative talent takes an infinitude of forms.  A life lived artfully is the best artistic expression there is.

Have you been inspired by your musical offerings?  This may be the time for you to perform privately, with no tangible audience but your own ears and heart.  Allow the inspiration to fill you, and the gratitude to overflow within you.

Or perhaps it is time to allow the creativity to take other forms.  I offer no examples; they will come to you as you allow them to do so.

And, do not underestimate the value of the time you have already put in, inspiring others in the congregation you are leaving.  Just as your creativity will find other outlets, those persons will find other sources for inspiration.

A: Inner guidance can be reached by aligning the three aspects of your intuitive faculties:  Your head, heart, and gut.

If your head says "Yes," that is, if all the pertinent facts line up in the affirmative, if you are following your deepest heart, and if your gut feeling is "Yes," you can be fairly certain that the action you are contemplating is the one to pursue.

Remember, "Come from the heart; stay in the present; keep it simple."

A: Can you focus your attention on the here and now, which you are living, and which is all that any of us have?  Remember that there is no past or future.  The only thing that exists of the past is what we bring with us into the present, and the only thing that exists of the future is what we project from the present.

Can you, with your boyfriend, discard the notion of a "dispute," which dissipates the energy you could be investing in building a good life together, right here in the "now"?  The dispute is carried on in the present, and you can shift the energy and transfer it to worthy relationship-building areas.

If you do this, and if the conflict re-surfaces in other disputes between you, it may be time to rethink the relationship and draw your energy close, building the internal relationship with yourself before expanding it to include another.